The Weekly Atticus (06/02/2018)

Shake Off the Vulnerability Hangover | The Weekly Atticus

A recap of the week at Atticus Review, along with some extras.

Dear ,

I came to Scotland this week to see my favorite band, Frightened Rabbit, headline their own festival in Glasgow. Though I've seen them several times in American cities, I've long thought it would be amazing to see them in Glasgow, where they were from. So when news of the show came through my feed, I decided it was time. I bought a ticket. I was going to Glasgow, dammit. The time was now.The day I'm writing this (Friday) would've been the day of the festival, but the show is no longer happening. Sadly, Scott Hutchison, the frontman and songwriter for the band, killed himself a few weeks ago. He appears to have jumped from the Forth Road Bridge which spans between South and North Queensferry, near Edinburgh. It's an act he wrote about in a song called "Floating in the Forth" from The Midnight Organ Fight. I used to think of that song as being about transcendence, of rising above the impulse to personal oblivion. Not anymore. It still feels perfect, but just perfect in a very different way.Hutchison's death hit me much harder than I would've expected for somebody I didn't know personally. I've never been one to mourn rock/pop stars, even ones I liked a lot. I've certainly never cried over one. But I cried ugly over Scott's death. Repeatedly. Of course, it probably didn't help that I was also going through a med change. And breaking up with a girlfriend. I like my depressive episodes to be multifaceted. The reason I'm opening this Weekly Atticus with all this is because one of the many articles I've read from the "Scott Hutchison Google Alerts" I set up was this one about how the the life of a touring musician can be really unhealthy, especially for those whose music expresses a vulnerability and emotional rawness, like Scott's.Scott talked about the difficulty of touring in an interview he did this past March:"It's not real life, really. I go back to real life when I go home ... I go out on tour and succeed at that and I'm comfortable there, and I'm happiest when I'm performing in a way. And I go home, and it's just like "What the fuck do I do?" "Who Am I?" ... [People's stories and people's praise] can take you in a bad direction, I think. So ... there's a persona maybe I've developed a little bit which stops me from being too personally involved in it ... that's very important to keep my own life for me ... it's caused me to seek out tools to sort of mentally survive."Look, I don't want to compare a book tour with the life of a touring rock star (as much as I'd like to think of myself, and writers generally, as rock stars); however, I do feel like during my book tour a few years ago, I got a small taste of what he was talking about here. I read mostly the same stories at each event, material that was very personal. I repeatedly made myself vulnerable in front of a room full of family, friends, and strangers. And to do that, there was, necessarily, a sort of distancing and separation I did. After each reading, I'd be on a sort of high (because I do actually enjoy performing my work).But then, after all the readings were over and it was just me and a laptop and an empty room again, I was left in a kind of long "vulnerability hangover," to borrow a phrase from Brené Brown. (Maybe I'll be left with one now after I write this! But that's ok—vulnerability hangovers are part of what I want Atticus Review to be about.) Eventually my body kind of collapsed. I didn't understand what was causing it at the time, but I do now. Consider this: In March, a few months before Scott killed himself, Frightened Rabbit had just come off of a Ten Year Anniversary Tour for The Midnight Organ Fight. There were at least 20 stops on that tour. At each one, he would sing "Floating in the Forth." And a crowd of mostly anonymous fans would sing along. Entertained by this deeply personal admission and struggle. Think about that. What I'm trying to say here is, you have to keep being vulnerable to make art. It's necessary. You have to in order to get to the good stuff. It's what will speak to people. Then go on book tours or do shows. Receive praise. Ride that wave. But be prepared for the crash afterwards "and seek out the tools to mentally survive." I really really wish Scott could've kept doing that. A lot of people do. It's good to remember that: people out there want you to keep going.Thanks for reading. We’re glad you’re here.David OlimpioPublisher and Editor-in-Chief

ATTICUS NEWS

ONLY A FEW WEEKS LEFT!!We're now accepting submissions for our first Annual Flash CNF Contest, judged by Sarah Gerard. Send us your best CNF under 1000 words. First prize is $275, a copy of our Print Annual, and publication in Atticus Review. SUBMIT NOW

THIS WEEK AT ATTICUS

FERAL TOWN by Adam Gustavson

BOOK REVIEW: MAKING THE UNREAL, REALA Review of GRAVITY CHANGES by Zach Powers Review by Michelle Junot"...equal parts magic, humor, cleverness, and heartbreak."READ ON

FICTION: MERMAIDSby Casey Hannan"We join like good fabric. Not seamless, but sturdy. Jack unravels his sweatpants and stitches himself in with us."READ ON

POETRY: THE DEATH OF HUCKLETwo Prose Poems by Chris Huntington"He is already a little cigarette ash of a cat, nothing left but bones inside. "READ ON

CNF: SO THE WASPS WON'T STING by Mindy Haskins Rogers"I believe in stories. They help us make sense of the senseless."READ ON

MIXED MEDIA: WHITE NOISEA videopoem collaboration by Jason Todd and Gabriel Harvey-SavardWhite Noise explores the links between people and their land, and how fragile this relationship can be. Even though the film is presented under the themes of material and metaphysical loss and grief, the poetic discourse calls for hope through respect and humility. READ ON

THIS SILENCE IS ELECTRICA review of DISOBEDIENCE directed by Sebastián LelioReview by Alison Lanier Despite some snags, Disobedience is a compelling achievement for its stars and for its creative minds.READ ON

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