The Timeless Worry Over Words (Shockley Intro) (05/29/2021)

The Timeless Worry Over Words | The Weekly Atticus

A recap of the week's writing at Atticus Review. Intro by Amber Shockley.

I was raised in a very conservative, evangelical Christian region of the world. My family falls along the spectrum from devoted, to lapsed, to disillusioned. I “lost my religion” over a span of several years, and do not currently participate in any religious practice. I am, however, very interested in the history, psychology and sociology of religion, particularly Christianity in all of its forms and denominations. That’s how I came to begin reading The Interior Castle by Saint Teresa of Avila. I expected an intimate, intriguing look at one woman’s purportedly mystic religious experience, her thoughts on and relationship with what she believed to be a divine trinity. I expected, too, a glimpse at history, and how the experiences and attitudes may differ from or remain the same as our own today. I did not expect to find so many revelations about a writer’s doubts and insecurities, which she openly confesses throughout. In prose that feels very much like a personal letter — in fact the text is addressed to the other sisters of her order — Saint Teresa of Avila frequently pauses to collect her thoughts, mostly by lamenting the ethereal confusion of her thoughts, and how difficult she finds it to express them. “These interior matters are so obscure to the mind that anyone with as little learning as I will be sure to have to say many superfluous and even irrelevant things in order to say a single one that is to the point.”Wow. Imagine if she were alive today and posted these 213 characters on Twitter. Imagine the number of retweets from members of the writing community! Actually, if Saint Teresa were alive today, someone would likely buy her a ticket to a Tony Robbins seminar. She repeatedly refers to herself as “stupid,” and dismisses, even degrades, her own competence.“The reader must have patience with me, as I have with myself when writing about things of which I know nothing; for really I sometimes take up my paper, like a perfect fool, with no idea of what to say or of how to begin.” Again, wow. I’m still reading, but I have not yet come across evidence of any crisis of faith in God. The closest she comes is to describe the low moods and depression of being tested when God pulls away. Saint Teresa’s faith in an unseen, intangible spirit seems not only intact, but perfected over her years of devotion. This faith only magnifies the contrast of her suffering confidence in her (proven) ability to write.One of the pieces of advice Saint Teresa repeatedly gives is to always take an attitude of humility. I could chalk her self-flagellating diatribes up to practicing what she preached, but her words sound so close to my own fear and frustration that I recognize a woman sitting uncomfortably in vulnerability rather than in peaceful, chosen humbleness. Perhaps I am projecting. In any case, it seems writers, and writing, hasn’t changed much in nearly 432 years. Collecting thoughts and getting them down on paper is still a daunting task, and those who try it still suffer excruciating uncertainty and insecurity. While I haven’t yet found comfort for my wandering soul in this text, I am grateful for the surprise reminder, once again, that many writers share worry about their words. Still, if we’re lucky (or blessed?) we write. Through fortune or deity, may we all find the fortitude to get the words down. Thanks for reading. We're glad you're here. Amber ShockleyAssistant Poetry Editor

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THIS WEEK AT ATTICUS

FICTIONTWO STORIESby Robert Lopez"I never had a shoe I cared about except maybe this one pair of boots before the soles wore down thin as paper and I had to throw them out."READ ON

POETRYAT THE DAIRY QUEEN, MY TEENAGE DAUGHTERby Jennifer Freed"carries her body like a flagto a table by the window,slowly licks the long red spoon,feels the hunger..."READ ON

CREATIVE NONFICTIONBIMBO AND SMITTY AND BAGSby Marie Manilla"Or maybe he had no sister and what he mourned were his options. His birthdate that could be plucked from a blue capsule in a lottery. I had no such worries, at thirteen, when my favorite t-shirt was a yellow smiley face. I wore my sunny future like a brag."READ ON

MIXED MEDIAWHAT A BABYby Ben Gunsberg"'What a Baby' was conceived as a performance piece for Heart Beats, a Beat Poetry exhibition presented at the Nora Eccles Harrison Museum of Art, November 21, 2019. During the performance, I was joined on stage by a trombonist who deftly employed a mute to make his instrument “cry.” This work integrates text-based writing with an audio file created in Logic Pro that can be accessed by clicking a URL or by pointing a smartphone camera at the QR code located at the bottom of the page. In a time when boundaries between textual, visual, and aural art forms overlap, I’m inspired to extend and complicate traditional poetic expressions."READ ON

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